I’ve struggled with faith for as long as I can remember, falling in and out of the dance. For the last decade and a half, I attempted to reconcile my unapologetic feminism with my sincere desire to commune with God.
It hasn’t always been easy.
In college my world expanded and my faith exploded. I took classes that taught about evolution, anthropology, world religions, and feminism. And the things I had been taught to fear took on new meaning. Evolution became a symphony of the Divine, each piece an instrument, creating the most beautiful tribute to the Creator. Feminism- the radical notion that women are people- lit a fire in my heart. I studied people all around the world, committing their lives to God, but who has different Holy Texts and different names for The Divine.
It wasn’t long before I admitted that the religion I grew up with wasn’t big enough anymore. I had been given a hand-me-down faith that didn’t fit. I had to stitch my own patchwork faith together, through trial and error. I had to erase what I thought I knew about God, and slowly put figure back to the formless.
From then on, I have been trying to hold onto my faith, letting it change shape and expand, while attempting to heal the wounds it gave me.
As Patricia Monaghan might say, I have been wintering.
When winter comes to a woman’s soul, she withdraws into her inner self, her deepest spaces… She is creating a new universe within herself, examining and breaking old patterns, destroying what should not be revived, feeding in secret what needs to thrive.
Winter women are those who bring into the next cycle what should be saved. They are the deep conservators of knowledge and power… In her calm deliberateness, she winters over our truth, she freezes out false-heartedness.
Look into her eyes, this winter woman. In their gray spaciousness you can see the future. Look out of your own winter eyes. You too can see the future. –Patricia Monaghan
I have learned some things and struggled with some demons.
I have broken old patterns and created new universes within myself.
I have fallen in and out of this dance of faith.
At “This Winter Woman” I am sharing the truth of what I have suffered and learned. Won’t you join me in creating a faith worth having?