You are not alone
I know what is like to struggle with faith, falling in and out of the dance. For the last decade and a half I attempted to reconcile my unapologetic feminism with my sincere desire to commune with God.
It hasn’t always been easy.
In college, my world expanded and my mind exploded. I took classes that taught about evolution, anthropology, world religions, and feminism. The things I had been taught to fear took on new meaning. Evolution became a symphony of the Divine, each piece and instrument creating the most beautiful tribute to the Creator. And feminism- the radical notion that women are people- lit a fire in my heart. I studied people all around the world, committing their lives to God, but who has different Holy Texts and different names for The Divine.
It wasn’t long before I admitted that the religion I grew up with, wasn’t big enough anymore. I had been given a hand-me-down faith that didn’t fit. I had to stitch my own patchwork faith together, through trial and error. I had to erase what I thought I knew about God, and slowly put form to the formless.
From then on, I have been trying to hold onto my faith, letting it change shape and expand, while attempting to heal the wounds it gave me.
I share my journey on ThisWinterWoman.com in hopes that others will be uplifted and find themselves fully made in God’s glorious image, as women.
Won’t you join me in creating a faith worth having?
This Winter Woman
I came across this work by Patricia Monaghan at a particularly low point in my journey. Donald Trump had been just been elected, my femalehood felt under attack by the church, and I felt lost.
When winter comes to a woman’s soul, she withdraws into her inner self, her deepest spaces… She is creating a new universe within herself, examining and breaking old patterns, destroying what should not be revived, feeding in secret what needs to thrive.
Winter women are those who bring into the next cycle what should be saved. They are the deep conservators of knowledge and power… In her calm deliberateness, she winters over our truth, she freezes out false-heartedness.
Look into her eyes, this winter woman. In their gray spaciousness you can see the future. Look out of your own winter eyes. You too can see the future. –Patricia Monaghan
These words calmed me, they gave me hope that the pain I felt could spur creativity and creation. The despair I felt lightened a little and the dance got a little easier.